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Sir Herbert Orsten

How do you work this damn thing?  K^()&^OER!!  Nope!  “$£(*&^H^%FC*.  Hang on a minute let’s try this…  Now, you Sir Herbert Orstenwould have thought that the Memsahib, that's who the Old Girl calls Her Ladyship by the way, would have given me a secretary. You know a little Floozy who can take dictation, make the coffee and anything else a chap like me might need doing.  After all, shouldn’t be having to do my own typing, should I?  I mean, it's not what a chap does. Hello World, anyone out there?  That’s it – Bloody confuser…  Right, pay attention…  You at the back there, sit up.  Now let me introduce myself. Brigadier General Sir Herbert Orsten DSO and public bar at your service.

Right, the Memsahib has asked my to write a few words about this novelette.  What’s it called?  "Miss Daisy Conquers Britain"  Good God, has the Old Girl written another book?  I didn’t know she had it in her.  What’s that?  Oh she didn’t.  The Mem has done it for her. Taken her diaries and turned them into a book?  Good grief, the Old Girl will be incandescent when she finds out.

Anyway Miss Daisy, yes…  Well I’ve known that Old Girl for, gosh how long is it?  Seven years?  Mind you, I’ve known some other ‘old girls’ for much longer than that…  Now when I was in Malaya, there were some pretty jolly ‘Old Girls’ over there, I can tell you.

Sorry…  Back to the point.  Well it seems that the Old Girl, Miss Daisy that is, has been keeping a diary since 2004 when she moved in with the Memsahib.  Every month apparently she would have a little rave about something or other; well you chaps out there know what women are like don’t you?  Slightest opportunity and they go on and on about some female quirk or another. Well, she wrote a few words for some car magazines.  Couldn’t see the point myself.  Why would chaps like me want to read what the female of my species has to say about motors and motoring?  Good God, no.  They haven’t a clue.  In fact I would strongly suggest that you don't even bother to buy her book.  Save your money for something written by a chap who really knows about motoring don’t Sir Herbert speedingyou know!  What about something by Jeremy Clarkson?  Now there’s an author.

Did I tell you I was booked by The Boys in Blue for speeding? Have a look at this little piccie. Not bad for a chap of my age.

Now where was I? Oh yes, I was telling you about when I went round the world wasn't I?  Well it was back in Seventy One. We were heading through the northern Punjab...

What?  The Mem' says I have to get on with my piece about the book.  Well Miss Daisy; damned fine lass if you ask me.  Well turned rear end and I like a well turned rear end.  Can’t comment on the book though.  Don’t like reading!  Unless it’s the racing results or the cricket.

"Miss Daisy's Diaries" Published by Matador Books
"Miss Daisy Conquers Britain" also Published By Matador Books - 28th November 2014

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